


everything i wanted

by sakuma_ritsu



Series: Knights can only take so many hits [1]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Drabble, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Knights only mentioned, M/M, lionheart and checkmate mentions, not by name though, semi graphic mentions of self harm, this was a vent fic but i kinda liked how it turned out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:01:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23459008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuma_ritsu/pseuds/sakuma_ritsu
Summary: Time blended together... how long had Leo been on the cold tiles of his bathroom floor again? Leo couldn’t tell if he was numb, or he was experiencing every emotion bestowed upon humans by whatever god is out there.
Relationships: Sena Izumi & Tsukinaga Leo, Sena Izumi/Tsukinaga Leo
Series: Knights can only take so many hits [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687591
Kudos: 39





	everything i wanted

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling really down when i ended up writing this, so that and the combination of listening to 'everything i wanted' by billie eilish didn't help.
> 
> So yeah, if my train of thought seems incomprehensible, that's why.

_I had a dream,_

_I got everything I wanted._

_Not what you'd think…_

Leo decided biting down on his hand until it bled was a better alternative than letting his precious Ruka hear him cry in anguish.

He had been so good lately, he had been good and the voices were quieter, they were muffled… like Leo was underwater. Time blended together.. how long had Leo been on the cold tiles of his bathroom floor again? Leo couldn’t tell if he was numb, or he was experiencing every emotion bestowed upon humans by whatever god is out there. 

The dozens of untreated cuts burning from the exposure to air brought Leo out of whatever existential crisis he was having at that moment in time. Blood stained the tile floors of the bathroom. The same bathroom that saw Leo bleed and bleed more times than a boy should have. The same bathroom that bore witness to Leo’s late night incoherent rambles that usually ended with a new future scar to add to the ‘canvas’ that was his body. 

It was the same bathroom that had to appear as a witness to Leo turning the blade of the box cutter around, higher, with no hesitation…

The bathroom had to watch as the eccentric Leo Tsukinaga bid farewell to his ponytail, hacking through it like an unwanted, rotten piece of food.

Disregarded and thrown out with no hesitation.

_And if I'm being honest…_

_It might've been a nightmare._

_To anyone who might care..._

Leo couldn’t look in the mirror again after he hesitantly did the first time, only to be met with a disheveled, mess of a haircut. Which resulted in another bite mark to find its place on Leo’s hand.

It’s his fault for being an idiot… he has to face the consequences…

Hah… that sounds like something Sena would say.

Would Sena say that? Or would he affirm and comfort Leo? Make Leo know he was loved? Would he kiss him as he whispered sweet nothings into his ears?

_Thought I could fly (Fly)..._

_So I stepped off the Golden, hmm,_

_Nobody cried…_

_Nobody even noticed…_

_I saw them standing right there,_

_Kinda thought they might care_

Leo knows, he _knows_ that Sena would react in the latter matter. He would profess over and over again that none of this was Leo’s fault. That it was the fault of whatever being decided that Leo would know too much suffering, enough for multiple lifetimes. And Leo would nod along, feel that his words were the truth, as he would lie his head on Sena’s chest and listen to the comfort of the taller boys heartbeat.

But why? Why would the feeling… the weight of those words dissipate into smoke in the sky, no matter how much Leo reached to grasp that feeling again?

Is he a bad person? Is he enough of a selfish husk of a human to disregard the words of someone who _loves him._ Someone who loves him for more than just his songs, someone who kept his home alive while he ran away. Ran as far away as he could and isolated himself. Let himself wallow in his sadness and slowly kill himself and the person he loves the most in the process. 

  
  


_I had a dream,_

_I got everything I wanted._

_But when I wake up, I see…_

_You with me..._

Leo lives because he knows Sena exists, Sena makes everything better. Sena listens and _actually listens._ Sena doesn’t feel the need to fill Leo’s ears with generic, unnecessary words of comfort. They don’t need to _say_ anything, Leo can understand Sena perfectly just by looking into the beauty of those blue eyes of his. 

Sena and Leo were two halves of a whole, they’ve been through hell and back together. And neither wants to leave the other on their lonesome _ever again._

So that’s why when Sena-, no… _Izumi_ … when Izumi came into Leo’s bathroom, and gathered the smaller boy into his arms, Leo wailed and screamed and he clutched the other boys shirt. His knight had come for him. He always does though, no? Izumi closed his eyes as he began to stroke Leo’s head, his low humming turning into a soft singing voice…

  
  


_As long as I'm here, No one can hurt you._

_Smiles and laughter from their first year filled Leo’s head… asking Izumi to be his muse… and Izumi’s flustered and aggressively embarrassed state._

_Don't wanna lie here, But you can learn to. _

_Leo grasping Izumi’s hand for the first time, and both of them feeling that it was the most perfectly normal thing in the world to do_

_If I could change,_

_Izumi and Leo creating ‘Knights’_

_The way that you see yourself…_

_Leo telling Izumi no one really loved him. Leo telling Izumi he would do anything to make him smile for him._

_You wouldn't wonder why you hear...._

_Knights being crushed, their King being beaten into the ground. Their King running away from their once glorious kingdom, now in shambles. Left in the care of his more adored and loved knight._

_They don't deserve you…_

_Leo and Izumi reunited, holding their hands in each others once more and facing their future together._

_…………_

‘ _Yeah…_ ’ Leo thought, listening to his loyal Knight’s heartbeat…

‘ _As long as he’s here… maybe… maybe I could learn how to live again…’_

  
  
  
  


_I had a dream, _

_I got everything I wanted._

_“Wahaha~ Izumiiii! Wait for meeee!” a well cut head of orange hair, with dazzling green eyes shouted after the gray haired boy. Linking arms once they catch up to each other._

_But when I wake up, I see…_

_“Goooooood morning! I loooove you!~” Leo Tsukinaga spoke._

_“Tch… Soooo annoying…” Izumi scoffed, before looking at Leo like he was the only being in existence._

_You with me_

_“...I love you too… Leo-Kun”_

_They no longer needed to wander the bloodied wasteland on their own. You can't play chess without the Knight **and** the king, after all._

**Author's Note:**

> they need so much help.
> 
> oh yeah, also: *reads smudged hand*, I'm okay


End file.
